i feel like absolute shit. the last two weeks have been terrible. well, apart from christmas day. christmas day was lovely, i spent the whole day with my family, i was happy and got my new canon slr!! i am so grateful :) 

but ruling out christmas day everything else is terrible. i honestly don't see the point anymore, i honestly don't. that's just how i feel right now. first off, i'm stressed. i'm SO stressed. i'm currently in year 11 and doing my GCSEs i'm going back to school on the 4th i think and i'm dreading going back. the thought of it makes me so depressed. i don't think i'm smart at all, revision scares me it literally does haha i can't revise, and that's the same for everyone right? revision is just so hard!? i don't feel like i'm smart enough to do any of my subjects. i'm constantly scared that i'll fail every single one, constantly overthinking. the thought of my photography coursework and my french coursework makes me feel even more stressed, eurghhh!!!! and it's little things that annoy me, like my bedroom not being tidy, just tiny things that i shouldn't even stress over. as well as, i was seeing this boy, which is kind of like being in a relationship but it's not idk, but we were close to being in a relationship. he told me about a week ago he just wants to be friends. i don't think he understands how hurt i am and how much i've cried. i liked him so much and he did exactly the same thing as the last boy i liked did to me. he just gave up. because that's easier right? i feel so alone. i don't feel good enough. like i have no one. i have no one to talk to. i don't even feel close to my family anymore. i feel like i'm drifting from my sister. i feel like SHE'S perfect. she's beautiful, she's got the amazing personality. i wish i was her. i can't open up to anyone, i feel like no one cares, no one understands. i can't even explain myself properly because i don't make sense, this probably doesn't even make sense. my dad is feeling upset all the time because of me. my eczema is disgusting at the moment, it's flared up on my face, it makes me feel sick. it's just red patches and it's dry and its disgusting. and i hate looking at myself in the mirror. and there's nothing i can do about it. tried every single fucking cream literally. there's no point. i'm SICK of my eczema and all my friends are probably sick of me mentioning it. i'm not happy and i'm trying SO hard to be, but it's so hard. to the point where i physically don't know who to talk to so i end up ranting on piczo, brilliant hahaha. i feel like i'm wasting my life, as i'm inside all the time. but i don't want to go outside because i don't want to socialize and my eczema makes me look hideous, but i WANT to be sociable, but i can't :( i'm also going away to manchester tomorrow for new years, normally i'd be happy to go away as i love getting away from my home town because i hate it, but i'm not happy, i want to stay inside, i don't want to do anything. i don't want to see anyone. i've just had enough, i really have.

the other day i watched the movie never let me go. it was so beautiful, yet so sad. absolutely stunning movie though. and i love the actor carey mulligan so so much, she's so beautiful and it makes me jealous :(

YAY christmas is on sunday :D well i say "yay" but it doesn't even feel like christmas asdfghkl not good. but i looove christmas so much and it makes me happyyyyy :DDDD

and ain't no one gonna get in the way of my happiness

& i will leave you with some webcam pictures of me and emily from the other night, aw ily x 

nothing really interesting is happening my life. at this very moment i wish it was this time last week :( had a house party at my friend charlies, was SUCH a good night! wish i could do it all over again! minus the throwing up part.

at this very moment i am in love with hadouken! raaahhhhh

and the film 'like crazy' it makes me so happy and makes me want to cry at the same time, lol wut

ily all xxxxxxxxxxxx